Schlock du Jour: Haiku Reviews

It’s that time again!

I have culminated from my miscellaneous notes an all new edition of Haiku Reviews, that will hopefully make up for my recent neglect. Included in this entry are:
Day of the Reaper
Devotion
All Strippers Must die
American Guinea Pig: Sacrifice
Devil’s Weekend
Spoiler, I only really loved one of them.
And stay tuned as November is renamed SOVember. Coming soon. Without further ado, haiku.

Day of the Reaper (1984)

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HHM Day 4

Hello, Slicers!

Bay City’s Hells Half Mile Fest wrapped about a week ago and I’m back with some coverage from the final day. The past couple of days I had attended movies that were more tension filled and suspenseful. On the last day I wanted a taste of something different so I ended up attending a comedy and a drama that I found particularly interesting. We’ll start off with “The Go-Getters”.

The Go-Getters”, directed by Jeremy Lalonde, is one of the most heartfelt, extremely vulgar, and entertaining comedies I have ever watched. The premise is simple, in order to fix up their extremely messed up lives Owen (Aaron Abrams),a drug addict, and Lacie(Tommie-Amber Pirie), a prostitute, must raise 98 dollars in order to buy two bus tickets out of town. Try as they might, this simple task proves to be an extremely impossible, dangerous, harmful and hilarious task in more ways than one. I found this movie immensely enjoyable. Although it isn’t for the easily offended, it was very charming similar to the tv series “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”. The characters are nasty and deplorable, but through good comedic acting, direction, and writing(Aaron Abrams, Brendan Gall) you are rooting for them all the same. Continue reading “HHM Day 4”

Hell’s Half Mile 2018 – Day 2 & 3

What’s up, Slicers!

Mark Kelly here and I’m back with more Reel Reviews from the 13th annual Hells Half Mile in Bay City, MI.

The films we are looking at today were screened during the 2 and 3 days of the festival. They are selections that I felt ranged from challenging and thought provoking– to extremely fun and thrilling. We’ll start off first with “First Reformed”.

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Hell’s Half Mile 2018 – Day 1 – “Funny Story” – Reel Review

Hello, Slicers! Mark Kelly here reporting from the 13th annual Hells Half Mile Film and Music Festival in Bay City, MI. Throughout the weekend I’ll be giving you many, many reviews of the films that I will be watching during the festival. “Funny Story”, a comedy directed by Micheal Gallagher, was the film chosen to kick off the fest on opening night and what a fantastic choice it was.

Funny Story” has a few amazing plot twists so I feel a very vague synopsis is in order. We meet Walter (Matthew Glave) who is driving Kim (Emily Bett Richards) to a retreat to meet a friend, Walters own daughter Nic (Jana Winternitz). Before I get to what I personally thought of the movie I need to stress that although my synopsis may seem very unexciting it is because YOU DO NOT WANT THIS FILM SPOILED FOR YOU!

Funny Story” was an amazing movie on all fronts. The writers (Micheal Gallagher, Steve Greene) work together in such a way that you get a comedy that not only has great laughs but laughs that are meaningful in developing the characters. This character development, along with the great acting, make the plot twists and heavy emotional moments later on in the film feel that much more impactful.

I give this film 6 out 6 reels.

The Hells Half Mile Film Fest rolls on and I will continue to provide coverage of the event throughout the weekend. So if you live close by, and want to experience some awesome independent music and cinema, come on over and experience one of the greatest festivals Bay City, MI has to offer.

Schlock du Jour: Lunch Meat (1987)

directed by Kirk Alex
runtime: 88 mins

A review for Lunch Meat is a review for us all. I’m sure my insights here will echo those of everysoul fortunate enough to have ridden the unshakable homegrown fiend of a ride that is Lunch Meat. Watching it seems to synchronize the viewer into some larger, undefined headcheese consciousness. And with a movie named after cold cuts, would you expect anything less than the completely strange?

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The movie begins with a false sense of security. Entitled yuppie teens call eachother scab and fungus as they drive towards a cabin they’ll never reach. It all feels familiar. Someone likes someone and that person likes someone else. Someone forgot the lunch meat, and someone forgot the gas, so the jeep gets pushed to the nearest watering hole. The jeep finds a drink and the teens find a bite to eat. It’s evident that those aren’t any ordinary burgers and they grimace and chew. Grimace and chew. Continue reading “Schlock du Jour: Lunch Meat (1987)”

“Coco” – Reel Review

We see a woman, who leads a simple life, going through her daily activities. We see that she lives by herself in a small apartment and also works at her job as a waitress at a local restaurant.

In “Coco”, a horror film written and directed by Neil Boultby, the viewer is lulled into a false sense of security as we see this woman (Natalia Kaverznikova) go through her day to day, only to find out everything isn’t as it seems. A dark past is slowly unveiled and we find out that an evil presence is following this woman, a presence that intends to destroy everything and everyone she comes into contact with.

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Tuesday Night Flamingo Fight – Reel Review

The first season of CinemaSlice.coms Indy Film Spotlight is in the books and we end this fantastic series of films with the wildly inventive action comedy “Tuesday Night Flamingo Fight”.

Written and directed by Josiah Wood, “Tuesday Night Flamingo Fight” begins with two young girls telling each other stories of prince and princesses in faraway lands. Well, at least one girl is telling a tale. When the other girl, who seems disinterested and extremely bored, gets a turn to tell her story we find out that she has very different interests then her friend. What we get next is a narrative that is equal parts entertaining, hilarious and disturbing. 

This film works well on so many levels.

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“Monday” Reel Review

At some point in everybody’s life we have all experienced an extreme case of the Monday’s. In the comedy film “Monday”, written and directed by Alejandro Montoya Marin, we find out that maybe our “extreme” Monday may not be the worst after all. “Monday” follows the exploits of Jim (Jamie H. Jung) a young man who is more interested in his hobbies (video games, Game of Thrones, smoking weed) than he is with his job or his girlfriend Alice (Bonnie Gayle). He wakes up one Monday and soon finds out that his lackadaisical attitude has gotten him fired from his job and his girlfriend to leave him. Just when he thinks things can’t get any worse, his Monday goes from bad to extraordinary terrible.

Monday” takes the simple concept of having a bad day and turns it on its head. The mixture of everyday experiences that are relatable, with the over the top moments that a normal person would most likely never experience makes the story very intriguing for the viewer. You connect with the main character Jim in a way that, even though he has gotten himself into this situation by his own bad habits and actions, you feel for him and want to see him succeed in the end. I know that when I’ve had a bad day I sometimes think “How can this day get any worse?” and this movie answers that question in a extremely hilarious fashion.

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“The Poker Table Observations” Reel Review

11 mins

Dramedy by Classy Dog Pictures / Patrick Neff

Just another night playing poker with the boys. This is the setting for CinemaSlice.coms Indy Movie Spotlight film for August “The Poker Table Observations”, written and directed by Patrick Neff. In this comedy short we get to look in on the often hysterical insights and observations of a group of friends playing poker as they explore topics such as their personal lives, the opposite sex, and cliches that they find ridiculous in various movie genres.

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Schlock du Jour: Rollergator (1996)

directed by Don G. Jackson
runtime: 83 mins

I am a disappointment. Before you attempt to console me, please, just listen to my story.

I had it all planned out, see? I held my horses for the perfect opportunity. I had waited so long to finally see it, and I knew I needed my best mates Jade, Jeremy, and Tim there to enjoy the experience with me. I also needed drinks of course. You can’t forget the drinks when you’re screening an A+ Schlock bomb that would rewire our synapses after it blew our collective minds. This was going to be a great night. We were going to watch Rollergator. Hell. Yes.

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Hell.
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Yes.

Fast forward 83 minutes to me sitting there, in silence, embarrassed and ashamed as the credits rolled. Because that’s when I realized that I showed the wrong movie. What I meant to watch involved women in skimpy clothing turning into reptiles, and then killing other people to turn them into gay zombies! It had been Repligator I meant to watch! Bret McCormick’s erotic sci-fi romp from the same year. Not whatever the shit this was. I had never even actually heard of Rollergator, it had merely incepted its way into my mind like its name was Berenstein Bears. Press [F] to pay respects.

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