Schlock Du Jour: Trashcans of Terror (1985)

directed by Chuck Handy
runtime: 72 mins

Deep within the annals of YouTube, there is a particular catacomb that when properly navigated grants access to a SOV sci-fi/horror flick that breathes like a sleeping dragon. Its scales of recycled footage and claws of bad tracking primed to unleash a blaze of rambling voiceovers, pulled punches, and regional wit. That dragon is Trashcans of Terror.

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A chance meeting between our hero, a man named “Spider” (director Handy), and a disoriented powerlifter named Kathy, begets romance after some light dad-humor flirtation. When Kathy gets angry she turns silver and becomes stronger than an ox on the juice. This is explained later, kinda.  After a health bar brawl resulting in $37,500 worth of damage (even though said brawl took place in the alleyway), our two heroes run for it. Kathy goes missing and Spider somehow determines that alien trashcans are to blame. It is never explained how he comes to this conclusion. He simply does, and relays this information to us with the same enthusiasm one would use when telling you they had a ham sandwich for lunch. He enlists the help of his military friend, Velasquez, to help find Kathy and fight an army of trashcans.

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An “army” of trashcans.
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Oh shit, I’m surrounded!

Notably missing are any lines about “taking out the trash” or Oscar the Grouch. Continue reading “Schlock Du Jour: Trashcans of Terror (1985)”

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang… You Don’t Know What You’re Missing…

Hey gang, Pete Floyd here again, reminding you that I know movies, and I know if you haven’t seen this one, you’re a Momo.

This week, I’m reviewing an oldie but goodie, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

From 2005, this overlooked delight was brilliantly written and directed by Shane Black, writer of Lethal Weapon, The Last Boyscout, Iron Man Three and the upcoming sequel, The Predator.

Staring the wonderfully neurotic Robert Downey Jr. and surprisingly comedic Val Killer in another of my favorite silly L.A. tales of mistaken identity, almost immediately the brilliance begins to shine right from the get-go. You wouldn’t think the pairing of these two would pay off, but oh boy, it does. Continue reading “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang… You Don’t Know What You’re Missing…”

“Seed” – Reel Review

Welcome to a Reel Review by Mark Kelly!

In the short film “Seed” by Somatoform Films we meet a young man named Ryan (Jeremy Gladen) whose mother dies of cancer.

After her death he is traumatized not only by her passing, but also by an unseen force that could change the course of human history forever. In this sci-fi/drama/horror film written and directed by Josh Kaukl, we are questioned with the idea that maybe some of life’s mysteries have more horrifying answers than we could have ever thought possible.

SEED TRAILER from josh kaukl on Vimeo.

Continue reading ““Seed” – Reel Review”

Expected NonSense – “Jurassic Park” – At 25

Hey there gang. Pete here with you as always letting you in on my mental ramblings about cinema. This time around, I’m filling you in on Jurassic Park… 25 years later.

I can remember being filled with anticipation, excitement and to be honest, a little anxiety waiting in line to see Jurassic Park at the age of 12. I went with my mom, who of course insisted that we get there an hour early, at noon on a Friday, so we could be first in line. We were. But there weren’t a whole lot of people there. That’s what gave me the anxiety. Did people know something I didn’t? Was it a horrible movie and I just didn’t get the memo?

My short attention span disregard the thought as soon as the lights dimmed. I was now seeing a movie about dinosaurs. DINOSAURS!!! Holy cow!

As with most of Spielberg’s work, the big reveal isn’t immediate. He takes time crafting the characters. Providing background. And most importantly, building anticipation. We all saw the previews. We knew what to expect.

Continue reading “Expected NonSense – “Jurassic Park” – At 25″

Schlock du Jour: The Return of Swamp Thing (1989)

directed by Jim Wynorski
runtime: 88 glorious mins
MVD Rewind Collection spine #5

DISCLAIMER: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS NERDY AND INAPPROPRIATE SHIT.

From director Jim Wynorski, Heather Locklear’s Boobs AKA The Return of Swamp Thing
I saw Avengers: Infinity War against my better judgement. I knew I was done with the modern superhero yarn and I got absolutely nothing out of it. It was big, it was busy, it was SAME-Y. In other words, it was being stuck in traffic on the way to work on Monday morning. The good vs evil dynamic that seems to drive everything isn’t of much interest to me, and when it comes to superhero films, that angle is obviously amplified. For that reason, you won’t find me reviewing superhero films very often…
Enter The Return of Swamp Thing. Based on characters from the DC comic where Swamp Thing is basically Captain Planet without the kids and rings. there are also things like the Rotworld story-line, wherein Swamp Thing—as an avatar of “The Green”, and Animal Man—as an avatar of “The Red”, are tasked by The Parliament of Trees and The Parliament of Limbs, respectively, to team up to defeat Dr. Anton Arcane and “The Rot”. It’s trippy and nightmarish, Lovecraftian even, as it features animals and humans being turned inside out. It is good. Most importantly it feels more like a horror story than a superhero one.

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But Goddamn, do I ever digress…
Point being, I view Swamp Thing in a different light, as in my experience he’s portrayed as less of a hero and more of a pile of vegetable matter that just happens to be an elemental entity of balance. That entire point is moot however, since we are talking about Wynorski’s The Return of Swamp Thing.

Continue reading “Schlock du Jour: The Return of Swamp Thing (1989)”

“What Comes Out” – Reel Review

Welcome to a Reel Review by Mark Kelly!

What Comes Out”, a short horror film written and directed by Josh Kaukl from Somatoform Films, tells the story of Dana (Nora Kaukl). Dana is constantly frightened throughout her everyday life, whether it be by her jump scare prankster husband (Josh Kaukl) or other irrational fears, like scary movies or darkened closets. As we follow Dana through her day we find out that maybe these irrational fears may turn out to be the most rational thing to be scared of after all.

TRAILER “WHAT COMES OUT” from josh kaukl on Vimeo.

Continue reading ““What Comes Out” – Reel Review”

Expected NonSense – “Deadpool 2”

Howdy folks, your friendly neighborhood momo Pete Floyd with you as always. Up this time around, I’m giving you the skinny on Deadpool 2.

Well gang, it’s pretty rare that a sequel can out do the original.

In fact, it’s so rare that it hardly ever happens. At least follow-ups anyway. Occasionally further into a series, a sequel can compare favorably to the original. However, that’s often not the case.

Not here folks. Deadpool 2, dare I say, is better than the original. The humor, over-the-top gore and all around silliness that made the first film so much fun is back, but without the downfall of repetition.

Obviously not one for the kids, Deadpool 2 is at your throat constantly with foul language, violence and a silly plot. All of which you’ve come to expect from this franchise. And of course the hammy acting you expect to come across in a comic book movie. All things that are easily forgivable.

I’ll be the first to admit that when Reynolds was cast in the role again after the disaster that was X-MEN Origins: Wolverine, I was upset. Physically. But the first film was a fitting adaptation no matter what anyone says. And so I got over it quickly.

Most of the original cast returns, which is worth noting because they play their parts well. However, Marvel has a new golden boy: Josh Brolin.

His portrayl of Thanos in Infinity War was above criticism. And here, in an awesome bit of casting, he brings to life Cable.

If you don’t know who Cable is, go and do your homework folks. It’s worth looking into.

Continue reading “Expected NonSense – “Deadpool 2””

Expected NonSense – “Ready Player One”

Hey gang!

O.G. Momo Pete Floyd here, and this week I’m going to give you my appraisal of Stevie Spielberg’s Ready Player One.

Going back to theaters and seeing movies the way they were meant to be seen is a true joy. It’s been a while. And this film is why we go!

A somewhat faithful adaption of Ernest Cline‘s novel of the same name, Ready Player One is a great popcorn movie if you will.

The movie takes place 20+ years from now where overpopulation and societal decline has left people seeking to escape reality in a total immersion VR world called the Oasis. Continue reading “Expected NonSense – “Ready Player One””

“Midland Street Wicked” Reel Review

CinemaSlice.com’s Indy Film Spotlight rolls on with the 3rd installment of the monthly cinematic series.

Next up is “Midland Street Wicked”, a horror film by Even Keel Productions and a movie that was also shot right in my neck of the woods, Bay City, MI. When people are found dead on Midland St. the local community starts to become concerned for their safety. In the area, a group of women get together to have some drinks and we find that one of them may have a connection to a mysterious pair of sunglasses that were lost years earlier.

A connection between the murders on Midland St., the strange sunglasses, and the female friends all lead up to a horrifying conclusion.

This was very entertaining and terrifying short film that showcased awesome gory special effects for a low budget movie. The pacing is good with a suspenseful intro that sets up the events nicely, which leads to a fun middle section that introduces us to the main characters in lighthearted way. This makes the back half of the story very effective when we start to see the horror and carnage that unfolds throughout the last 10 minutes of the film.

“Midland Street Wicked” is part of a series that centers around the pair of sunglasses that are described in the film. It can, however, be watched as a standalone experience although I could see the sunglasses being a bit confusing to first time viewers.

Continue reading ““Midland Street Wicked” Reel Review”

Schlock Du Jour: Road Meat (1988)

directed by Bill Bragg

runtime: 70 min

“Would you like cheese with that?”
“Just the coffees, thanks.”
Being an incompetent drive-through attendant gets you killed. So does being a loquacious hitchhiker, a loutish litterbug, and a radical religious zealot.
Honeymooners Nick and Vick are having none of it as they exit a church to operatic Cascio rock that brings to mind the rise of power of the iron fist in an Orwellian futurescape. While dystopia isn’t on the menu for Road Meat, that doesn’t stop the honeymooners from running over a fat man in their “Just Married” mobile and turning him into, well, you guessed it…
They pick up a claw-handed, alien-jabbering hitchhiker. Slamming on their brakes his claw goes into his own face, killing him. The honeymooners bury him, crack jokes, and play in the wilderness. Think Natural Born Killers, except you won’t want to slit your wrists afterwards. Or like a Bonnie and Clyde adaptation as imagined by Charles Band or the Chiodo brothers. Maybe it’s morbid to laugh at death, but for my meat, it’s all good in the catharsis of fiction.
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I left the stove on (my face) again!

Continue reading “Schlock Du Jour: Road Meat (1988)”