Schlock du Jour: Leaf Blower Massacre 2

directed by Anthony Cooney
runtime 60 mins

A beloved pastime of horror fans is talking about how many “Massacre” films there are. From The Texas Chain Saw Massacre to Alien Beach Party Massacre, and pretty much anything you can fathom in between (I’ve yet to see a Purple Weasel Massacre, but I’m sure it’s in production). So when I heard there was a film called Leaf Blower Massacre, I was as surprised as I was to find out Roman Reigns is facing Brock Lesnar at Summerslam for the Universal Championship. That is to say, not at all.

Leaf Blower Massacre is a 2013 short approximately 12 minutes in length. In it, we are introduced to a killer that is a dead ringer for the nail gun killer in Nail Gun Massacre, except instead of a high-velocity carpentry tool, the killer is wielding none other than the eponymous leaf blower. The fact that the weapon needs an outlet to work is a funny way to poke fun at the killer’s weapon trope. This short is all in good fun, even if it does seem to get confused about what it actually is, much in the way the WWE creative team is confused about the character of Roman Reigns. What would have been more compelling is if our 12 minutes of attention were met with a relentless onslaught of killing randos in clever ways with a leaf blower. But I’m projecting.

Leaf Blower Massacre 2 is the full-length continuation of the story that began in part one. A man seeks his missing wife, and detectives are also on the case of the killer. In fact there’s too much going on with this story. Again, maybe it’s just me, but when a movie has “Massacre” in its title, I am looking for kills, sex, and WTFs. This movie attempts to be a bit more than that, and I don’t think it’s the better for it. This thing got bogged down like Frog Town!

Actually I loved Hell Comes to Frogtown

LBM2 also has worse audio mixing– With a brutal soundtrack of live metal tunes! This was frustrating to deal with as I had to alter the volume on my tv for nearly every scene.
Let it be known the lack of budget didn’t bother me! The offscreen kills were a bummer though. I would take a bad looking onscreen kill over an offscreen one any day of the week. The occasional hardcore metal was a nice distraction, and did it adds some intensity, just as Paul Heyman adds intensity to every rivalry Brock Lesnar is in. The acting is what you’d expect. Harmless.
Full transparency here, I’m struggling with finding talking points. LBM2 didn’t leave much of an impression on me. It’s not enough of a spoof to have that going for it, and it’s not as good as the films it pays homage to. It just misses the mark for me, much like Brock Lesnar missed his shooting star press on Kurt Angle at Wrestlemania 19. I recommend this only to “Massacre” completionists. That being said there are so many out there you still may not have seen! Theres—
  • Slumber Party Massacre
  • Klown Kamp Massacre
  • Demented Death Farm Massacre
  • Long Island Cannibal Massacre
  • Pool Party Massacre
  • Microwave Massacre
  • Slumber Party Massacre 2
  • Dude Bro Party Massacre III
  • California Axe Massacre
  • Meatcleaver Massacre
  • Woodchipper Massacre
  • Big Tit Massacre
  • Slumber Party Massacre 3
  • Weenie Roast Massacre
  • Puppet Monster Massacre
  • Spring Break Zombie Massacre
  • Mutant Massacre
  • Mutant Massacre 2
  • Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre
  • Ninja Demon’s Massacre
  • Naked Massacre
  • Women’s Prison Massacre
  • WWE Summerslam ‘18
  • Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre
Happy massacres!
3 out of 6 Reels
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*Hallelujah chorus plays* Elliot “Rat” Ross is the editor of The Basement on a Hill. His passion is writing whacked-out reviews of nutzoid movies, sifting through screeners, and interviewing independent filmmakers and artists. He lives in Omaha, NE, where he works a big boy job instead of writing for a living, but hopefully that will all change one day. He is happy to contribute to Cinemaslice, and asks that you send him presents. Email him for his address.

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