Schlock Du Jour: Road Meat (1988)

directed by Bill Bragg

runtime: 70 min

“Would you like cheese with that?”
“Just the coffees, thanks.”
Being an incompetent drive-through attendant gets you killed. So does being a loquacious hitchhiker, a loutish litterbug, and a radical religious zealot.
Honeymooners Nick and Vick are having none of it as they exit a church to operatic Cascio rock that brings to mind the rise of power of the iron fist in an Orwellian futurescape. While dystopia isn’t on the menu for Road Meat, that doesn’t stop the honeymooners from running over a fat man in their “Just Married” mobile and turning him into, well, you guessed it…
They pick up a claw-handed, alien-jabbering hitchhiker. Slamming on their brakes his claw goes into his own face, killing him. The honeymooners bury him, crack jokes, and play in the wilderness. Think Natural Born Killers, except you won’t want to slit your wrists afterwards. Or like a Bonnie and Clyde adaptation as imagined by Charles Band or the Chiodo brothers. Maybe it’s morbid to laugh at death, but for my meat, it’s all good in the catharsis of fiction.
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I left the stove on (my face) again!

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