Schlock du Jour: Rollergator (1996)

directed by Don G. Jackson
runtime: 83 mins

I am a disappointment. Before you attempt to console me, please, just listen to my story.

I had it all planned out, see? I held my horses for the perfect opportunity. I had waited so long to finally see it, and I knew I needed my best mates Jade, Jeremy, and Tim there to enjoy the experience with me. I also needed drinks of course. You can’t forget the drinks when you’re screening an A+ Schlock bomb that would rewire our synapses after it blew our collective minds. This was going to be a great night. We were going to watch Rollergator. Hell. Yes.

img_0692
Hell.
img_0693
Yes.

Fast forward 83 minutes to me sitting there, in silence, embarrassed and ashamed as the credits rolled. Because that’s when I realized that I showed the wrong movie. What I meant to watch involved women in skimpy clothing turning into reptiles, and then killing other people to turn them into gay zombies! It had been Repligator I meant to watch! Bret McCormick’s erotic sci-fi romp from the same year. Not whatever the shit this was. I had never even actually heard of Rollergator, it had merely incepted its way into my mind like its name was Berenstein Bears. Press [F] to pay respects.

Continue reading “Schlock du Jour: Rollergator (1996)”